As I was scrolling through my YouTube feed, I came across one of the craziest things that ever happened on the internet. It was a video of a guy cooking on a CPU.

Obviously, the odd idea of cooking on a tiny electronic component is what caught my attention. Who would have thought of that? Someone had thought of it, apparently.  

The idea was entertaining and comic at best.

The reality of cooking on a CPU (Image credits: Samurai Channel)

Yet, it was the picture of an actual barbeque sizzling on a CPU that sparked a deep thought about how much heat a CPU dissipates, and whether we could use it as a kitchen appliance.

Can you really cook on a CPU? Now there’s evidence to prove you can. So what are the requirements?

Requirements

The main things to watch here are the power of your CPU, potential damages, and your expectations.

Check the TDP

TDP means Thermal Design Power. It is the maximum heat that a processor dissipates when operating at full load.

Every CPU has an assigned TDP value. The CPU model in the video I mentioned earlier (AMD Phenom II X4 970) had a TDP of 125 watts.

The higher the TDP, the better you’re set to cook a serious meal.

Count your losses

Since your CPU is not meant to ‘process’ food, it’s wise to stick to reality. There’s a high chance that your computer will die before mealtime.

Expectations

As you can tell from the size of a CPU, this is not a meal to share with anyone. We are dealing with miniature-level cooking here. Unless you have a giant CPU, slash your hopes.

Seasoning the BBQ (Image credits: Samurai Channel)

Hold your tongs boys.

Procedure

Technically, what you’re doing is replacing the CPU heatsink with whatever you want to cook. So start by unscrewing the cooler from the motherboard.

Next, clean the surface of the CPU and crank your computer.

Cleaning the CPU (Image credits: Samurai Channel)

Place your food on the CPU immediately. Otherwise, it will shut down. Most computers will shut down automatically on detecting extreme temperatures. Some will not start without a CPU cooling fan. You may have to work something out to trick the system into ‘thinking’ it has a fan attached.

Some CPUs will only dissipate enough heat when under heavy loads. To add heat, give your processor a serious task. Try to run a game. Render a scene in Blender. Etc. Harder tasks will force the processor to consume more energy and produce more heat as a result.

The rest depends on your recipe. You may need some form of scaled-down equipment like a mini-pan. Use what is available. Improvise.

Happy cooking!

Original Video by the Samurai Channel

(This is a satirical article and is only meant to educate readers about CPU power dissipation)

Author: Victor Wachanga

A technophile who appreciates the value of technology.

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